Those that have gone before....

(This was a trip that I took in July of 2009)This evening instead of sitting in my hotel room in Omaha Nebraska I decided that I would venture out and check out the Pioneer Cemetery in Florence, formally known as Winter Quarters. For a period of time this small community was a stopping point for the Saints after they were driven from Nauvoo, a place where they could gather and prepare for the rest of the journey to the Salt Lake Valley. But this place also became the final resting place for many, both young and old as was evident by the many names listed on the monument in the center of the cemetery.

Talk about the quiet reverence in the cemetery and the temple ground as it is nestled among the trees. A gentle breeze blowing and the birds chirping on a hot and muggy summer evening.

Not far from Florence in another cemetery in Elwood Nebraska is another pioneer, my great grandfather and grandmother. They emigrated from Germany leaving behind their homeland for a new beginning in a foreign country. Although I have not been able to find very much documentation on either one of them, except that they were farmers and loved to work the land in Nebraska, I am grateful for the sacrifices that they made to settle in this great land.

For some strange reason there is a draw to Elwood Nebraska that I had to take advantage while I was in Nebraska. Besides that fact that this is where it all began for my family, my dad was born and spent the first twelve years of his life living in this rural town, I just wanted to see where it began, to be able to walk the streets that my dad walked as a young boy to see the place where my grandparents met and fell in love and later married, to feel that connection with the town.

So with this tank full of gas in the car and my mind made up to make the pilgrimage to the small town of Elwood I headed south on Interstate 80. Once I arrived at Elwood it was not what I really expected, it was really a small rural town. It felt like I was sent back in time 40 or 50 years, the pace was slow, few people were out walking around, it seems like the corner gas station was the main focal point of this town. But I had to stop; I had to make the connection with the past. In fact as my dad would say the town would have had a stoplight but the cows and horses are colorblind so there is no need for a stoplight. Just stop signs at the main intersection.

So I pulled over, parked the car and walked the main street of Elwood Nebraska, reflecting and basking in the thought that this is where my great grandparents, my grandparents and even my dad walked. Maybe as they came to town to barter some of their crops or as dad went to school, this is where it began. For that humble beginning I am eternally grateful. Thanks to those that have gone before, from the pioneers traveling from Nauvoo Illinois to my Great Grandparents emigrating from their homeland in Germany.

The Doctor recommends to fly a kite.

I beg to differ with the good doctor, last week as I was driving north towards Pocatello Idaho a regular feature of a radio program came on the air discussing how the time will come that parents will need to cut the strings and let our children go, live and discover the world. On my last entry I eluded to the fact that it was hard to see a child leave the safety of the “Nest”. This good Doctor, although well known and I am sure well intended, made some comments that has bothering me for the past few days.

This well known Doctor referred to the raising of a child like flying a kite. We as parents will run with the child in their younger years. But much like a kite will fly erratically with out the balance of a tail our children will fly a bit erratically with out balance. Therefore to get the kite up into the air we would tie a tail on the kite creating a more balance kite, one that could fly straight. I would equate the tying of the tail to the knowledge and values that we teach our children.

But as was stated in the commentary, we as parents will watch a kite fly, holding fast to the string, holding on to the very end, as long as we could. But then there comes a time when we must let go of the kite string and watch the kite fly away. And this according to the Doctor is when our jobs as parents are finished.

Now although I like the analogy of the kite, I have to disagree on a couple of points that the Doctor made. First it must be apparent that this good Doctor has not flown a kite before, for if he had he would know that once you release the string 3 things happen, first the kite starts to drift farther and farther from you, second the kite start floating out of control and lastly, the kite comes spiraling toward the earth and lands who knows where.

I feel that as a parent our responsibility s to have enough string on hand as to let our children fly freely. That as the kite flyer becomes more familiar with how the kite will fly then more string is let out. This will allow the kite to soar higher ensuring to take all precaution to not allow the kite to come crashing to the earth. But if the kite does crash we are there untangle the string, wind it back on the spool, fix any broken parts and send the kite back into the air.

The same holds true with our children. Through the many experiences and values that we instill in our children lives become balanced, much like the tail of the kite offers balance the kite. Then we as parents have the responsibility to hold onto the string to ensure that the kite stays on course able to climb higher and higher with each passing day. But once we get to the end of the spool do we figure that we have done all we could and let go of the child? I would hope not, I would venture that we would find more string to allow them to soar even higher without letting go of the kite string. Therefore the kite, as with the child will not come crashing to the earth and like the kite the child will always have an attachment to the parents.

And finally, the “job” of being a parent is one that you cannot just be finished with or quit. Although I am sure that there are parents that would like to quit for a couple years, (the potty training years come to mind or the dating years, a whole different topic for a different time) the job of being a parent is an eternal responsibility, a responsibility that should not be taken lightly or thinking that it is only temporary. Because once a parent you will always be a parent and there is no quitting, being fired or relinquishing your responsibility as a parent.

So just because your child s flying on their own we must make sure that we as parents have a firm grip on the string all the while still letting them soar to new heights. So to all of the parents in the world, “Lets go fly a kite”….

Learning to fly...

It has been said that when a bird is old enough the parents will push their young off springs out of the nest and teach them to fly on their own. For the first part of their young lives these baby birds have relied on their parents for the basics needs of food, shelter and protection. I am sure that during the nurturing period the parent hopes that the off spring is watching and learning, learning what is critical for survival in a sometime hostile world.

The same could be said for each one of us, there comes a time when we as parents must “push” our children out of the nest and see if they have learned to “fly” on their own. Seeing you children out in the “world” can stir up a myriad emotions. As a parent you still want to protect you children, yet you want them to be independent, but it is still difficult. With children at all stages of life I find that finding an equal balance on emotions is sometime quite challenging, but I would not have it any other way.

Recently my wife and I had the privilege of sending a son off on a LDS Church Mission to Argentina to see if he can fly on his own. We have had this opportunity twice before when our oldest daughter left for the Portland Oregon Mission and a son to the Philippine Naga Mission. And as a dad of 3 great missionaries I can assure you that it does not get any easier sending your children out into another part of the country or world for a period of time to teach people about the gospel of Jesus Christ.

This last time when we took out son to the MTC in Provo Utah I could not help but notice the number of proud parents there were as they escorted their sons and daughters into the MTC. The faces of those missionaries preparing for the unknown told the story of what lay ahead for both the missionary and the parents.

Once it came time for the missionaries to say good-bye to their families it was apparent to me that this was a time to let your child fly on their own. But it is never easy, I will always wonder if we taught them the things that they will need to know to survive with out the watching eye of their moms. Will they be able to boil water without burning it, how will they survive without dad reminding them what time to be home at night?

But to my knowledge there has not been on missionary that has starved in the field, nor has there been many missionaries staying out late into the night. After all missionary work is hard and by the end of the day you are just ready for a good night sleep, regardless how lumpy the mattress maybe.

So I guess it is time to let our children fly on their own, knowing that they know where the nest is located and that they are always welcome back….So to my children who have had this opportunity to “fly” go, have fun, work hard and remember where your nest is located….

Welcome Home Flip, Welcome Home

One can say that if a child is destined to be part of your family then it will happen and Flip definitely was to be part of our family from the very beginning. Deep down each of us in our family was sure that he was to be in our home, however, because of our current designation as “Shelter Care” within the Foster System we were not eligible to adopt children. So we just relinquished ourselves that we would not be adopting Flip anytime soon.

Flip’s journey back into our home was not a direct line back. In fact he took the long path back to our home. Once he left our home to live with his new family I had a feeling that it was only a temporary solution. You see, Flip has had so many changes in his short life that he suffered from separation anxieties. And with his new parents both working Flip would have to go to day care for the day. I shared my concern with my wife about the affects this would have on Flip and we both agreed that this would not be the best interest for our little guy.

As it turned out it was not in the best interest of Flip to send him to a day care center because of his anxieties. Is new family decided that it would be better for Flip live and be adopted by another family. But Flip had a different idea, I guess that there was a personality conflict with his second family and that is when it was decided that they could not keep him either.

So, as I sat in my office at work I received a phone call from my wife, and the conversation went something like this:

My wife: “How would you like to have Flip back”
Me: “What?”
My wife: “How would you like to have Flip back into our home?”
Me: “Why?”
My wife: “Because he needs a home and his case worker called and wants to know if wee would like to have him back”
Me: “To adopt?”
My wife: “Yes”
Me: “What did you tell the case worker?”
My wife: “I told her yes, and then she ask if I want to call you to see what you would say”
Me: “And what did you say?”
My wife: “I told her I know what he will say, he will say ‘YES’”

And indeed I did say “Yes”, so that afternoon my wife went to pick up Flip for his final ride to his permanent family. And from that point our lives changed for the better and our status was changed from “Shelter Care” to “Foster Adopt”. And this began the process of adopting children into our home
As my wife picked up Flip he remembered her and the other children, he jump right into the van waved goodbye and was off to a family that would love him and care for his needs. Once he got home he knew that he was home. He went to the bedroom where he stayed, he hugged the dog and proceeded continue where he left off, becoming a part of our family. All I can say is about this experience is “Welcome Home Flip, Welcome home”

Flips Story - Part II - The first of many miracles

I have personally felt the Lords tender mercies as Flip came into our home. The afternoon the caseworker brought over a young curly head little boy and she dropped him off he was scared little boy. It is a good thing that Vinnie, our yellow lab, was there to help calm the fears of this “one” year old. I was in the back yard doing some work, which is where I first saw him, the first thing that he wanted to do was to play ball. So that is what we did, we tossed the ball back and forth for a few minutes while he got acclimated to his new surroundings.

But this is where the series of events started, you see, in our state if a child is over 1 year they are eligible to go and stay at the “Christmas Box” house until a permanent home is found. Well, the next day the case worker called and said that a mistake was made on the age of Flip, that is was really 18 months old, which made in eligible to be housed in the Christmas Box House. The case worker, knowing that we had a foster child already in our home, asked if we would like to have her come and pick Flip up and take him to the Christmas Box House. The answer was simple; Flip has already started finding a place in our hearts, yet we did not know it. My wife told the case worker that she did not want to disrupt his life any more than it has already been over the past 24 hours, so Flip stayed, to continue to have a special place in our family.

It was about 2 weeks since Flip came into our home, then another call came, the call that we did not want to receive. It was a call again from the caseworker notifying us that a home had been found for Flip. It was a good home, a home that would welcome him and give him a place to run and have fun. That was a very difficult call to take for my wife and I.

The day came to make the transfer, the new foster family came over to pick up Flip and take him home. As we sat in our living room holding Flip while he got acquainted with his “new family” I felt like a part of our family was being taking away from us. The time came for the family to leave and to take our “son” with them. As we walked out the car I said good bye, not know if I would ever see him again, but then I had to turn and go back into the house because I did not want anybody see that I had tears streaming down my face (After all real men do not cry).
As I came into the house I found that I was not alone in the feelings that I had towards Flip. But this was just one of many events that would take place before Flip would come to live with us again. In looking back as to why we had to give him up it was to allow us, as a family, to realize how much we really did love this child and that he should be part of our family. But little did we know that he would be back.

Flips Story - Part 1 - Choices can change our lives...For Enternities.

It seems that we all have a story to tell, some more dynamic than others, but nonetheless we have stories that build our character and tells who and why we are. And "Flips" story is no exception, it tells how our son came to be part of our family.

Flip has been a part of our family ever since he was 18 months old, but before I tell how he came to be part of our family you need to understand that he chose our family. You see after being blessed with 5 wonderful children my wife and I we felt that there were more children that would come into our home. But due to circumstances that were out of our control we knew that this was physically impossible. But never doubt the Lords plans for you and your family for the Lord does know your wants and will bless you accordingly.

My wife always knew that there were more children some where for us, we looked into foreign adoption, but decided that that was cost prohibitive. So with the cost of adoption high we put the idea of adoption out of our minds. However the need for additional children weighed heavily on our hearts. The answer was to become foster parents for the state. That way since we could not adopt then we would be able help other children in need begin their young lives on a positive foot, even f they were only in our home for a short time.

At first I was a little reluctant to look into Foster Care, my wife did all of the investigating as to what we needed to do to become licensed Foster Parents. Upon completing the classes we began the waiting process, waiting for our first foster placement. At first our plans was to do only shelter care, taking newborn babies that were at risk into our home while a permanent home could be found. Our intent was to only provide shelter care for these young children, a safe place where they would feel loved and secure. We figured that this would ease us into the wonderful world of Foster Care.

After having a couple of placements we were feeling like we were making a difference in the lives of these young children and we were even feeling confident about the care we were providing. Then call came that would change our lives and the dynamics of our family forever.

In August of 2003 my wife received a call asking if we could take a 1 year old for a few days while a permanent family is found. At first we thought about it because we already had a newborn in our home, but we figured that it would only be for a few days, so we agreed to take this placement.

I have learned that if we rely on the Lord we will receive the blessing that he has in store for us. Although we may not agree with his timing we can always be assured that the blessing will come if we submit ourselves to his will. Through the next couple of posts of will explain the series of “Miracles” that had to take place for Flip to become part of our family.

Tunnels are Sacred Places - A tribute to my dad

A few days ago I had the distinct privilege of spending 12 hours in a car with my mom and her husband. I know what you maybe thinking, that if it is my mom’s husband then would that not make him my dad. And the answer is quite simple, No, you see my dad passed away 16 years ago and my mom remarried about 5 years ago at the young age of 71. So by the time my mom got remarried I had 5 kids of my own and trying to be a dad to my own children, yet I digress. But that does bring me to an interesting topic of discussion, what makes a dad a dad?

You see my dad was always there for each one of his children, we would spend time with him watching him do what he loved, calling balls and strikes behind home plate at the local ball diamond. Then after words we would share some Good ‘n’ Plenty candy and talk about the game. Each week he would take one of us with him to watch and “Critic” his umpiring ability, not that he needed any critiquing, he received plenty of that from the spectators. But I think that he just wanted to spend time with his children.

Anyway back to driving home, just outside of Portland heading east on I84 there is a tunnel. Now to most motorists a tunnel is a hole in the mountain that enables you to drive through to get to the other side, but to me it is much more than that it is a place where I feel close to my dad.

Since I live out of state it is hard for me to visit the cemetery on a regular basis. I know a cemetery is just a place where his remains are, but it also a place where a one can reflect on the good times, like driving through tunnels with my dad.

You see, my dad he had this quirky habit of honking the car’s horn in every tunnel that he entered regardless of the number of cars in the tunnel, (he would honk that then tell the kids just to wave). He did this mainly to entertain the grundle of kids that he had in the car, but it was something that we as kids looked forward to every time we drove through a tunnel, hearing the deep bass sound of the horn of that Buick Station Wagon. On occasion another driver would join in the fun and return the honk with a quick blast of their horn and then we would laugh and laugh thinking that we just started a symphony of horns.

Anyway, during that trip home from Portland and as we entered the tunnel I could not resist, I leaned on the horn, not once, not twice, but through the whole length of the tunnel. And that honking brought up the conversation about my dad. My mom’s husband asked me why I honked the horn as we went through the tunnel. I explained to him that it is out of respect for my Dad who taught me the values that I live by today.

My dad taught me to have patience with those around you, regardless of the circumstances. He taught me to love one another, to have respect for each other, he would always say, that your friends are for a life time,(or until you get new friends) but your family is forever. He taught us to love and respect our mother. He treated my mom like the queen that she was and now I strive to treat my wife the same way. I am and not as successful as he was but he had a few more years of practice.

He loved each of his children, all 9 of us, equally, and yet he had the ability to make each of us feel like we were his “Favorite” as we spent time with him. Oh sure we had some tough times growing up, but he always made sure that we did not do with out. And I guess that is one additional quality that my dad taught to me, and that is to look and remember the positive things of life, there is really no sense to dwell on the bad, expect to learn from those experience and then move on.

So, as I travel for my profession, I find myself driving through tunnels, whether in my home state of Utah, or in neighboring states, by myself or with my family, I find myself honking the horn in honor of my Dad who taught me how to be the person that I am today. As I honk the horn I can just feel my dad smiling down at me saying “That is my boy”. So dad this one is for you “Beep Beep”…..